


How to Kill Your Best Friend with a Garbage Disposal

by jazzhandslazuli



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, Lots of Cuddling, fluffy as heck, peridot is australian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 21:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6167050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzhandslazuli/pseuds/jazzhandslazuli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper and Peridot have been best friends since middle school, even though the 10000 mile difference between them meant they had never met. Peridot decided to change all that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Kill Your Best Friend with a Garbage Disposal

At 10pm Jasper received a message from her best friend.

 

**[peri. 9:58] IT’S FUCKING COLD.**

 

Jasper rolled her eyes and paused the movie, flicking through weather apps and dual zone clocks before making her response.

 

**_[jasper 10:00] woah. yeah. it’s like, 70 degrees in australia right now instead of 80 u must be freezing your ass off_ **

 

Peridot’s reply came rapid fire.

 

**[peri. 10:00] SHUT UP YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.**

**[peri. 10:01] Don’t you have a fireplace? I bet you’re curled up in front of the fire playing Halo and drinking hot chocolate aren’t you, you clod.**

 

Well, Peridot wasn’t wrong.

 

**_[jasper 10:02] you’re welcome to join me anytime, princess_ **

**[peri. 10:02] Bite me.**

 

Jasper shook her head. She felt a little bad for making fun of Peridot, but it was the middle of the day in the middle of Summer for her. Last time Peridot had complained about the cold, she wasn’t even wearing a shirt. Meanwhile, in the Delmarva Peninsula, it was well below freezing, with a heavy wind chill and mild snow. So, no, Jasper wasn’t all that sympathetic.

 

**_[jasper 10:04] i’m cold too_ **

**[peri. 10:05] Well damn, Jasper, I don’t control the weather!**

**[peri. 10:05] Besides you’re inside and not in a car with a really shitty heating system.**

**[peri. 10:06] I want to die this was the worst decision ever.**

**[peri. 10:06] I want to go back inside.**

**_[jasper 10:07] tragic_ **

 

Peridot continued to rant, so Jasper decided to finish her movie and pointedly ignore her. She glanced out the window. It was really starting to come down now. If it kept up like this there’d be a nice, thick layer of snow by morning.

 

**_[jasper 10:38] one day i’ll make you build a snowman with me_ **

**_[jasper 10:38] and also shovel my driveway bc i don’t wanna_ **

**[peri. 10:39] That was almost cute and then you ruined it.**

**[peri. 10:40] But either way no! Never! Bad idea possibly THE worst idea!**

**[peri. 10:45] Hey, you’re home right?**

**_[jasper 10:45] yeah, why???_ **

**[peri. 10:46] No reason, just making sure I’m not embarrassing myself.**

**_[jasper 10:48] this is really confusing_ **

**[peri. 10:50] Are you watching a movie???????? You should turn it down it’s really loud you’re going to get complaints.**

 

Jasper frowned, but now that she mentioned it, the movie was far louder than it should be at 11pm. But how could Peridot possibly know that the movie was too loud? Jasper turned the sound down, and in the relative quiet she could hear…knocking? It sounded like someone was knocking on the door at the other end of the house, loudly and hurriedly. Jasper stared at her phone.

 

**_[jasper 10:53] you fucking didn’t_ **

**[peri. 10:55] Just answer the door asshole.**

 

She’d never in her life run to the door so quickly. The knocking didn’t cease until the door was opened, and there, on her snowy porch, after years of texting and letters and pixelated 2D images, her best friend stood before her. Her face was flushed with cold, one hand clutching her phone tightly and the other a raised fist prepared to knock again. It took her a second to register what was going on, but a moment later she pushed Jasper aside and stepped into the house, dragging a giant suitcase behind her.

“Thank fuck,” said Peridot. Jasper couldn’t stop staring. Peridot was here. In her house. She could touch her with her actual hands and feel skin instead of a screen. Peridot rubbed her arms, shivering. She looked up at Jasper. “You’re tall. You’re really tall.” 

Jasper nodded. Peridot frowned. “You look like a stunned mullet,” she continued.

“What?”

“You’re staring at me. Say something. I came all this way.”

Jasper narrowed her eyes. “You came all this way to call me a… what. A ‘stunned mullet’? What does that even mean?”

“Shut up. Come here you dork.” Peridot wrapped her arms around Jasper, and Jasper pulled her close in a crushing hug. She could feel Peridot in her arms. They’d known each other since middle school, they’d made a lot of promises about meeting for real (Jasper vaguely recalled Peridot vowing to kick her in the shins). It always seemed so distant. One day when they were both millionaires. It never felt real.

And yet, here she was, and here Peridot was. Peridot was cold.

Jasper pulled back and looked her best friend up and down, properly. Her face was flushed with cold behind thick circular glasses. She wore a thin purple college sweatshirt and jeans and converse.

“Shit, no wonder you’re cold, is that all you’re wearing? Come inside properly.” Jasper pulled Peridot further into the house, Peridot’s hand like ice in her own, towards her nest of blankets and the fireplace.

“This is all the Winter clothes I own,” said Peridot. “Sometimes I wear tights under my pants, but the internet said it was 15 degrees, and I thought ‘that’s not so bad’, but then I realised…”

“It’s in Fahrenheit not Celsius, you dork,” finished Jasper.

“I know, shut up,” Peridot went redder with mortification. “I just got excited. I can go home if you want. Fuck off.” Jasper laughed and ruffled Peridot’s hair.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said.

“I’m glad I’m here too.”

 

Peridot threw herself on the floor in front of the fireplace. “Oh my god.” And for extra measure, held her hands above her, even closer to the fire. Jasper found an old, ugly Christmas sweater from when she was like 13 (which was still a bit big on tiny Peridot. Jasper thought it was cute.)

“I’m never moving again,” said Peridot decisively. Jasper sat cross-legged behind her.

“Not that I’m not glad that you’re here, but why are you here?” asked Jasper.

“Well, my mum has work convention thing coming up that just _happened_ to be in the same state as the resident of my best friend of five years,” said Peridot. “And because she is the best and greatest and best mum ever, she let me come along, and a week ahead of her, to visit said best friend. And I wanted to keep it a surprise because I got caught up in the spontaneity of the moment.”

“Yeah, but I could have picked you up from the airport,” said Jasper. “My car heater works. Plus, what if I already had a friend over or something?”

“We would have fought to the death. And I would have won. Because you love me the best.”

“I don’t know. All my friends are football players. They could beat you up.”

“Wow. Dick.” But jokes aside, Peridot was indeed the favourite. Jasper still couldn’t believe she was here. She couldn’t stop staring. She wanted to commit Peridot to memory. The subtleties of her movements and her speech and her appearance that didn’t come across well in poorly lit skype conversations. The light dusting of freckles across her cheekbones that Jasper rarely noticed. The way she’d constantly fidget with her hands while she was talking, probably without noticing. The three different degrees of bleach in her hair (because Peridot never managed to tone it all correctly and just decided it was her look). Even when she wasn’t speaking, Jasper could see what she was thinking about reflected in her face. Right now she was frowning.

“So, um,” said Peridot. “Did you want to finish your movie or whatever?”

Jasper had been staring. Again. And it was making Peridot uncomfortable. “Nah, I’ve seen it before.” She tried to take it in her stride. She was better at keeping her emotions in check and managed to not appear as embarrassed as she felt. She stood up. “Didn’t I promise you a hot chocolate?”

Peridot moved her already raised arms slightly in the direction of Jasper, and Jasper helped her to her feet. Immediately, Peridot weaved her arm around Jasper’s. “I’m sapping your heat,” said Peridot. She was smirking.

“And here I thought you actually appreciated my company,” said Jasper.

“Nope. I’m using you.”

“Harsh.”

 

Peridot followed Jasper into the kitchen, not letting go of her even after she began pulling out mugs and chocolate.

“Do you have marshmallows?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Good.” Eventually she let go and wandered around, inspecting the kitchen while Jasper set to work on their hot chocolates.

“You have one of those cool American coffee machine things,” Peridot observed, looking at it closely.

“What?”

“You know, the kind with the pot and it only makes black coffee and you make like a lot of coffee in the pot. I’ve seen the sitcoms, Jasper, I know what this is. You’ll have to make me some fancy American coffee sometime.”

“I don’t know how you do coffee any different, but sure.”

“You know, instant shit in a jar.” She continued inspecting the kitchen. “Why does your sink hole have flaps in it?”

Jasper looked over at Peridot, who was bent over with her head in the garbage disposal. Jasper walked over and, leaning against the smaller girl, flicked the switch. Peridot screeched and jumped back as the system whirred to life, hitting Jasper’s chest, which just made her fall back against the sink again. Jasper cackled while Peridot righted herself, cheeks red and heart racing.  She scowled and shoved Jasper’s shoulder, barely even jostling the figure, who was doubled over in laughter.

“YOU CLOD! WHAT THE FUCK?” she cried. “I COULD HAVE DIED.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” said Jasper, trying to contain giggles as she turned the disposal system back off. “It was just the garbage disposal. It breaks down food scraps so they don’t clog up the drain.”

“It’s for crushing stuff? You were going to crush me?”

“It’s for crushing stuff like bits of carrot, not Peridots, you were fine.” Peridot pouted and crossed her arms, looking at the floor. Jasper sighed and put her hand on Peridot’s head, pulling her gently into her arms. Peridot squawked and tried to push away. “I’m sorry, Peridot, for potentially killing you.”

“Get off me, you’re so gross!” Peridot’s voice was muffled by Jasper’s chest. She pushed away, looking flustered. Jasper turned back to their mugs.

“How many marshmallows do you want?” she asked. Peridot’s eyes lit up.

“All of them.”

“How about two?”

“How about three?” Jasper hummed and considered the idea. “You did nearly kill me with your garbage disposal,” Peridot added. “The _least_ you could do is give me three marshmallows.”

Jasper grumbled and gave her the three marshmallows. Peridot’s mouth curled into a smirk. “You can’t lord that over me forever, you weren’t even in any danger.”

“Yeah, nah. I’m going to use it forever.”

 

They decided to finish watching Jasper’s movie. Except they’d both seen it before, so they spent most of the night curled up on the sofa talking and giggling, and Jasper fighting a losing battle against Peridot’s cold feet on her leg. Eventually their conversation dimmed into a contented silence. The slow rise and fall of Peridot’s breathing under Jasper’s hand was comforting, she felt like they could lie like this forever.

Jasper felt a light but persistent pressure on her cheek. “Jasper.” Peridot whispered. It took a moment for Jasper to realise what was going. Peridot was poking her, their faces were very close.

“What?”

“You fell asleep,” said Peridot. Jasper sat up and rubbed her eyes. “The movie is over. What do you want to do now?”

“It’s after midnight,” said Jasper. “Maybe we should go to bed.”

“Maybe we should stay up all night,” reasoned Peridot.

“ _You_ can stay up all night,” said Jasper. She stood, and Peridot fell onto the other side of the couch. “ _I’m_ going to bed. And I’m going to wake you up really early to shovel my driveway whether you sleep or not, so, the choice is yours.”

Peridot narrowed her eyes and pressed her lips together tightly, staring Jasper in the eyes. When Jasper didn’t budge, she eventually grumbled and pushed herself of the couch.

“Shovel your own clodding driveway,” she said.

 

“Nice pyjamas,” said Jasper. Peridot looked down at herself. She was wearing white shorts with alien heads on them, with a shirt depicting an alien riding a skateboard.  She pointed at her shirt. 

“It’s me,” she said, before crawling under Jasper’s covers. She shivered. “The sheets are cold. I’m going to die.”

“If you wait like ten seconds they’ll warm up, you dramatic baby.” Peridot poked out her tongue.

“That was an invitation for you to warm it up for me, idiot,” she said. Jasper went red.

“Um…”Peridot raised an eyebrow and slid over to the far side of the bed.

“It’s not weird,” said Peridot. “I do this all the time with my friends. All two of them.” Peridot completely misunderstood Jasper’s problem. Jasper slid into the sheets beside Peridot, so they were lying on their sides and facing each other. Jasper could feel Peridot snake her icy hands around Jasper’s arm.

“Thank you, space heater,” she said. Peridot’s eyes looked so much bigger without glasses, they travelled around the room, taking in Jasper’s posters, photos, dirty pile of clothes (Jasper really wished Peridot hadn’t turned up quite so unannounced). Jasper just watched Peridot.

 

“Are you going to go to sleep, nerd?” she whispered. Peridot’s eyes locked on hers. 

“It’s like 2pm for me, so I doubt it. Are you? You were the one who was tired.” That was a good point, but she couldn’t keep her eyes shut, her eyes kept slipping open, falling on the figure of her best friend beside her. ( _Her best friend,_ she reminded herself).

“What are we going to do tomorrow?” Peridot whispered after several minutes.

“Want to go swimming?”

“Fuck off.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Princess, this is a summer tourism spot. There’s nothing to do in January.”

Peridot huffed, and a piece of hair fell in her face. Jasper reached out to push it back, just as Peridot went to do the same. Jasper couldn’t tell if it was a static shock or a romantic moment that occurred when their hands met and immediately retreated. Both of their faces were red.

 

Jasper didn’t think it was weird to share a bed with a friend. When you’ve had a crush on that friend for a number of years, however, it became a little more complicated. Jasper squeezed her eyes shut.

“What about Groundhog Day?” asked Peridot suddenly. “Am I too late to watch the rodent decide your fate?”

Jasper snorted. “No, we can go see the groundhog.

“Yessssss.” Peridot had finally settled into the idea of sleeping, her eyes closed, mouth open in a little ‘o’ shape. It was so cute. Fuck it.

“Peridot,” Jasper whispered. “I…”

 _I’m in love with you. I have been for like the last two years. I hoped maybe over time it would go away or become easier to deal with, but it hasn’t, and it’s even harder with you being here so close to me. I know you generally don’t feel romantic attraction, and I don’t want you to feel used or betrayed or like you have to do something you don’t want to, but nothing would make me happier right now than to kiss you. I’m sorry._ Is what Jasper thought.

“I think you smell.” Is what she eventually said. Peridot grumbled and headbutted Jasper’s chest lightly.

“Bite me,” she said. Her head returned to the pillow, but it wasn’t her own, it was the end of Jasper’s. They were suddenly very close. Close enough that Jasper could see the details in Peridot’s irises, and feel her breath on her lips.

“Can I kiss you?” said Peridot suddenly. Jasper blinked.

“What?” Surely this wasn’t real.

“Can I- I don’t know, it feels like the right thing to do,” Peridot’s face was red, her eyes on Jasper’s lips. “I-I’ve never kissed anyone before, and I’ve always wondered, and it just feels right you know? And I think I like you but I don’t really-”

Jasper closed the tiny gap between them, silencing Peridot’s tirade. Their teeth bumped together, it was sloppy, it was a mess. Jasper winced. Sorry about your shitty first kiss, Peridot. They pulled apart, Peridot making a face.

“Um… is all kissing like that?” she asked.

“No, I promise. That was a bad kiss,” said Jasper.

“Sorry.”

“It was my fault. Do you want to… try again? When we’re both prepared?”

Peridot’s eyes were on Jasper’s. She licked her lips and nodded.

Peridot tasted like peppermint and her lips were a little bit chapped and a little bit hesitant and the kiss was a little awkward in a way that all first kisses were, and Jasper didn’t want to let go.

“Uh, was that, better?” Jasper asked eventually.

“Oh, yeah, definitely, let’s pretend that was our first kiss instead.” Peridot couldn’t stop rubbing her lips together. “What does this mean? Are we a thing now? What’s a thing? I’m sorry, I probably should have figured out what I wanted beforehand.”

Jasper laced her fingers between Peridot’s. “It’s okay. We can figure it out later. Maybe that’s what we’ll do tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was a self indulgent excuse to have Peridot use an obnoxious amount of Australian slang, except Peridot would be too refined to use a majority of it, so I don't even feel fulfilled. 
> 
> I'll probably edit this when I get home from work.
> 
> My tumblr is regretanddeepspacelime
> 
> Thanks for reading friends :^)


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